i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Blood and glitter go together right?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
being pregnant is like rehab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize