so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize