the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize