Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize