So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
