why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Everything about him screamed your future.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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