Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
