Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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