a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Someone shattered a urinal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize