Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
She announced her abortion via fbk
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
