my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
