I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
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he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
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I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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