one word: firstdatebathroomanal
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize