My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
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the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
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You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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