I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
The best revenge is premature balding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize