I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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