oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
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I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
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Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Come on in and take your pants off
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