There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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