her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize