Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize