Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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