I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize