What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
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She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
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In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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