the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
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she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
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Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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