I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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