I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
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It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
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I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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