His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
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Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
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Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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