god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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