What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
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I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
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he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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