She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
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Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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