I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
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I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
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So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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