and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize