You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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