you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
