You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm too high and old for this...
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