im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
