I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
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How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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