I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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