Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize