so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
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high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
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I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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