we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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