After last night, I could never be a politician.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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