The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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