I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
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I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
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the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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