Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
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nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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