i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize