As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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