She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
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My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
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I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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