are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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