everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
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They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
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It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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