Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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