No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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