if you like me you must not know who I am
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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