Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
the condom got lost in my hair
barbara walters just said penis...
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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