I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize