Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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